Tech / Technology

Omegle changed cybersex forever, for better or worse

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Omegle is shutting down 14 years after its creation. Here’s how the anonymous video chat site changed cybersex and sexual communication, for better or worse.
The Omegle logo is seen displayed on a smartphone screen

Picture this. It’s 2009. You’ve just finished school and you’re headed to your friend’s house because they have their own computer in their room which their parents don’t see. You sign on to a new website everyone’s been talking about: a chat site unlike anything made before, where you can video chat with total strangers, called Omegle. It’s exciting. You get to speak to people from countries you may not have ever been aware of. You fall about laughing with your friends as random people assign you dares through the computer screen and watch you act them out. You even make new friends from afar. 

Started by a teenager in his bedroom at his parent’s house in Vermont, America, Omegle’s premise was simple: when you used Omegle, it would randomly place you in a video chat with another person anywhere in the world so you could chat. You could easily skip to the next person, but you wouldn’t be able to go back. And it was super popular, with Omegle claiming it had millions of daily active users at its peak. 

But today, 14 years on from its creation, Omegle has been shut down. In a public statement shared on the site, founder Leif K-Brooks says the site is no longer sustainable and he “doesn’t want to have a heart attack in his 30s.” Fair enough.  

K-Brooks also shared in the statement that he created Omegle for people to make friends spontaneously, but the site soon became synonymous with anonymous digital sex instead. And if social media is anything to go by, that’s certainly what the public remembers the site for today. He added that Omegle’s anonymity was supposed to be a safety feature, but that soon paved an opportunity to shag around with strangers online and never have to talk to them ever again. 

This side of Omegle, even if it wasn’t the creator’s initial vision for it, was a lot of fun. As a closeted queer teenager, Omegle was in my rotation of websites that allowed me to talk to women, and sometimes sexually connect with them, completely anonymously. It was hot to strip off with other women without exchanging names (kind of like a cyber one night stand) and because it was private, it felt safe. 


“It was like a digital glory hole.”

27-year-old copywriter Hannah, who wishes to use her first name only, tells me she also has positive sexual experiences from using Omegle for sex. “When I first realised I was into kink, I was single and didn’t have the confidence to bring it up to casual partners in person. But I could talk about it on Omegle,” she tells Mashable. 

Hannah was able to explore this side of herself and found that the anonymity involved with Omegle was part of the fun itself. “Knowing I could end up doing something with anybody at all was really fun. It was like a digital glory hole.”

Sex Educator Dee Whitnell tells Mashable that there’s a “hotness” to anonymous sex on the internet that comes from “this idea that you are being dangerous, that you’re doing something that is ‘naughty’ or ‘taboo’ and that you ‘shouldn’t be doing it’ and that’s completely valid.” They add that LGBTQ individuals are particularly drawn to the sexual side of Omegle and other sites where you can be intimate with strangers because “a lot of LGBTQ+ people they don’t have anywhere else in their life where they can do that.”

“For some people, it’s the first time that they can explore that side of themselves with some sort of ambiguity. People can’t see their face or identity and only see what they’ve allowed people to see. That’s why a lot of queer people say they had their first sexual experiences on Omegle.”

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This comes with dangers though. Whitenell explains that “you don’t necessarily know who the other person is, but also you don’t know how safe you are. You don’t know if you’re going to be recognised. You don’t know if somebody’s recording you and then they’re going to share that content. This is especially dangerous for LGBTQ+ people who are closeted, and risk being outed too.” Of course, you also never know how old the person on the other side of the video call is.


“You don’t necessarily know who the other person is, but also you don’t know how safe you are.”

Not everyone on Omegle was consenting to Omegle’s sexual side, either. It wasn’t exactly something you could opt in or out of. Because Omegle was created in 2009 and the internet was still pretty much the Wild West back then, there was a lack of age verification or reporting processes. Instead, just about anything was acceptable on the website. 

Despite people making friends and even finding romantic connections just as the founder had hoped, the site soon became known for grooming, creepy older men preying on young people, cyberflashing, and general violations. 

As the website is being memorialised on social media today, many Omegle users are recalling how often cyberflashing and sexual harassment would take place on the site, with tweets like “rip omegle, thoughts and prayers to all the 35 year old men i talked to when i was 14” and “seeing dong on omegle still a rite of passage for tweens” and “seeing unwarranted d*** on Omegle on a random Wednesday is a rite of passage.” 

Those experiences have serious consequences. Over the years, Omegle has been heavily criticised for its associations with online sex abuse. In fact, the BBC reported that Omegle has been cited in over 50 cases against paedophiles who misused the site in the last couple of years. K-Brooks acknowledges this in his statement, claiming that Omegle “tipped off” police about some users who were paedophiles, and that they had thought the anonymity of the site to be an innate safety feature when the site was first created. Instead, that feature was exploited for nefarious purposes. 

24-year-old rights assistant Katy* tells Mashable she was cyberflashed on Omegle as a teenager. “It always stuck with me. I was only 13 and the first penis I ever saw was on Omegle. He was so old. I just don’t think it should have happened,” she says. 


“I was only 13 and the first penis I ever saw was on Omegle. He was so old. I just don’t think it should have happened,”

“It didn’t matter that Omegle was anonymous either. The interaction still scared me. I felt dirty like I’d actually had sex with him or something. And my friends at school weren’t sympathetic. They said I should have expected it because that’s what happens [on sites like Omegle].”

Being sexually harassed online, whether it’s on Omegle, or the more modern platforms like Instagram and Snapchat, is a prevalent issue. A report by the University of Leicester recorded 33 percent of women had been cyber flashed and a UN Women report found that 86 percent among 18-24-year-olds had experienced sexual harassment online, including over a third who had been sent unsolicited explicit images.

Yet, despite its very serious problems, people clearly love anonymous sex on the internet. 

Sex on Omegle became such a staple of online sex culture that there’s an entire pornography category for it on Pornhub and xHamster, where porn performers literally act out the process of signing onto an Omegle-like website only to find a naked person on the other side, before mutual masturbation ensues. This category rakes in millions of views, showing how hot this “digital glory hole” can be for a lot of people. 

Now, in 2023, websites are using AI to replicate the excitement of anonymous sex once captured on Omegle. It’s clear that it had a profound influence on sexual communication online. AI chatbot provider Bloom, tells Mashable that since its chatbot was launched at the end of September, users have exchanged more than 2.8 million erotic messages on the platform and 1,600 hours of audio messages have also been exchanged with users.  

Meanwhile Chatroulette — which is based on the same model as Omegle — stands strong as their users doubled between 2019 and 2020 and they’re also using AI to expand their services. 

If there’s anything we can take from this, it’s that people have a desire to talk dirty (and more) with strangers on the internet, whether you like it or not. 

With so much abuse running rife on the site, Omegle shutting down was obviously the right call, but online sexual harassment did not start nor end with Omegle, and neither will anonymous cybersex. 

Now that we’re more internet literate and safety conscious as a society, it’s unlikely we’ll ever have an unregulated social-spontaneity platform turned anonymous sex site made by an 18-year-old in his parent’s house ever again, and that’s certainly a good thing. But people’s natural talent for turning any internet service into a sexual one will always exist, Omegle or no Omegle. 

If you have experienced sexual abuse, call the free, confidential National Sexual Assault hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673), or access the 24-7 help online by visiting online.rainn.org.

Tech / Technology

‘Queer Eye’ star Tan France can’t stand tech, TikTok, and mommy bloggers

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Tan France of ‘Queer Eye’ and ‘Next In Fashion’ talks about his tech habits, the French tuck, TikTok’s trendy crop-tuck, and why he can’t stand mommy bloggers.
Three photos of Tan France, recolored in pink and yellow.

Across the pond, in the quotidien hours of the mid-morning, Brits snack together. They call this phenomenon the “Elevenses” and, in the same way, Gretchen Weiners strived to make “fetch” a part of the American vernacular, Tan France is trying to make “Elevenses” happen here, too.

You know France from his work as a style savant on Queer Eye and competition show Next in Fashion. Now, in partnership with yogurt brand Noosa, he’s working to bring the term from his native Britain into vogue.

“Everyone does Elevenses,” he says over a Zoom call, looking habitually quaffed. “Nobody I know doesn’t do Elevenses. I’ve worked in an office here before, I know that around 10 or 11 people are snacking. It’s just that in America, there’s no word for it.”

We let France try to convince us of the fetch-ness of the “Elevenses,” but not before asking him about his tech habits and take on the latest TikTok fashion trend.

Mashable: Hi, Tan. I apologize for my voice, I’m just getting over a cold.

Tan France: Oh no! OK, then I’m going to be honest. I have the flu. We’re gonna get through this together! I moved three days ago, and I think it’s the exhaustion of how insanely stressful it’s been.

There’s a study that says the top three stressful things in life are divorce, moving…

And death.

You’re a father of two now. Parenting advice is very popular on TikTok, do you ever consult your For You Page for tips?

I’ve used TikTok, but I haven’t used it in quite some time. And I don’t really understand TikTok.

What don’t you understand about it?

Well, I just don’t know how to use it. I’m 40 now, and I’m very tech-averse. So I don’t I don’t know how to use it. I don’t know how to post on it, somebody else does that. I’m an Insta guy.

But no parenting advice on Instagram, either. You know, there’s a mommy blogger crowd.

I’m sorry, I can’t stand them. Because they make me feel crappy about my life thinking, “Why don’t I look gorgeous in my outfit and my kids look amazing?” I can’t do that, I can’t keep up with them. They make me feel crap about my life.

On my Instagram, I usually say how hard it is. I say, “I never look like this, it’s just for this shot.” Mommy bloggers just make me like they’re always living life like that.

You’re not on TikTok, but a device called the “crop tuck” is giving your French tuck method a run for its money.

Oh, I have seen this on Instagram. Yeah, it’s lovely. I think it’s absolutely lovely. I’m sure it’ll work great. It looks wonderful. However, I like the casual-ness of a French tuck.

How does one keep sweaters French-tucked into pants? Mine always pop out.

I don’t know. That’s a really good question because I don’t think it’s ever popped out for me. When you tuck the sweater, do you then pull the sweater out a bit?

Yes.

I don’t know what you’re doing, but I can’t help you.

You said you’re not really into tech at all. Why?

My phone, that’s all I can handle. We don’t have Alexa or whatever all those other things are. Literally no interest whatsoever. Anything techie, I’ve got to turn all that off. I cannot use tech, it drives me insane. Because it always crashes, it’s always complicated. You always have to reboot something, and I don’t know how to reboot something. Boots are the gorgeous heels I’ve got. Other than that, I want to talk about a boot.

You must have a laptop…

I do, but all I know how to do on it is Zoom. I have no idea how to use Excel, I don’t know how to copy and paste anything. That’s what I’ve got an assistant for.

How do you watch Queer Eye and Next in Fashion?

We have a smart TV where all I have to do is press the app and it’s there. I don’t set any of that up. My husband does it and then all I do is press a button. I haven’t even changed a lightbulb. He’s the techie guy, he does all the maintenance that needs doing. I’m like, “I think I know what I offer to our life. You do the other things.”

I’ve heard marriage is all about balance.

That’s it.

My grandfather was a Brit like you and would use one single cup all day for multiple rounds of tea.

That’s most Brits, that’s my family completely. Everyone has a cup. You don’t take that cup. I have my cup at my mum’s house that I’ve had since I was 13. It’s not like you’ve got a set of 10 cups and you just use whichever one. No, you use your cup.

He never mentioned this Elevenses thing to me.

I can’t imagine why somebody would mention Elevenses in England because we just know Elevenses. If you ask a Brit, “Do you know elevenses?” it’s like asking an American what the Super Bowl is. There was once an advert or, sorry, a commercial for this bar — it was a candy bar — but it was this “health” bar that they called Elevenses. They were just using the term that everyone knows.

Typically in England, your Elevenses is one of two things. It’s either a breakfast bar which, again, I just see as candy. It’s full of sugar, and it’s got as many calories.

It’s different than a biscuit?

You’re not having a biscuit for Elevenses, you’re having a biscuit for Tea. But I don’t mean tea. I mean, when we say, “What are you having for Tea” we mean that time between lunch and dinner. I know it’s insane. But at Tea time, we will have tea and biscuits that we dunk into tea.

But for Elevenses, it’s very typically a bar or yogurt because you’ve already had your cereal in the morning or your toast. And it’s too much to have a burger or whatever at 10:30, 11 and so you have something either shockingly sweet, which is this fake health bar, or something more nutritious, and it’s very typical in England to have yogurt.

There’s usually an entire section in a grocery store for your Elevenses yogurt. I’m not just saying it because we’re a part of this campaign, Noosa is my favorite yogurt. All of the flavors are lovely. but that lemon one is so insanely good. Coming in a real hot second is vanilla bean.

In the U.S., we usually think of yogurt as breakfast. What do we have to get past, culturally, to make yogurt our Elevenses snack?

The only hurdle is attaching a name. We’re finding that — and there’s a lot of research — that people are having yogurt in the mid-morning. So all this is to try and encourage Americans to use that name because there are many different names across the world: smak, brekky. But Elevenses is the only one that makes it very clear: It’s 11 o’clock, it’s time for that snack.

And the Brits won’t mind us borrowing, as we always do?

I mean, America has taken all of our great shows. So you may as well take our breakfast snack.

Tech / Technology

‘The Buccaneers’ review: A gloriously brash period drama for ‘Bridgerton’ fans

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Based on Edith Wharton’s final novel, AppleTV+’s “The Buccaneers” is a 19th century romance drama following five American ladies drawn to England.
Five women, one in a wedding dress, four in green bridesmaids dresses, cheers champagne.

If you like your period dramas with spirited heroines who swig champagne, sweeping coastal shots of brooding Dukes, and lavish ball scenes where secrets abound, you’ll love The Buccaneers.

Based on Edith Wharton’s final novel, the eight-episode AppleTV+ series is a 19th century romance drama following five young American ladies drawn to England after one of their high society weddings to an English lord. Arriving in London, the newcomers are faced with deep judgment while bringing their own — and one hell of a cover of LCD Soundsystem’s “North American Scum” sets the title credit tone. But there’s also a landscape of eligible suitors on the horizon, including a forlorn Duke standing on a clifftop looking for a wife. Whatever will he do?

If you’re craving the next season of Bridgerton, The Buccaneers will satiate your thirst with diabolical narrative twists, simmering romantic leads, savvy performances, a killer modern soundtrack, and the lavish design of our society ball dreams.

What is The Buccaneers about?

Five women in 19th century garb stand together.

Conchita Closson (Alisha Boe), Mabel Elmsworth (Josie Totah), Nan St. George (Kristine Frøseth), Lizzy Elmsworth (Aubri Ibrag), and Jinny St. George (Imogen Waterhouse).
Credit: Apple TV+

Set in the upper echelons of society in 1870s New York and London, the series revolves around five young women on the cusp of “marriages, men, and parties” in deeply patriarchal 19th century society.

There’s protagonist Nan St. George (Kristine Frøseth), the headstrong best friend of the vivacious Conchita Closson (Alisha Boe), who is getting married for love to English Lord Richard Marable (Josh Dylan) — much to his parents’ chagrin back home. Conchita’s bridesmaids are Nan’s older sister Jinny St. George (Imogen Waterhouse), who holds the weight of family responsibility on her shoulders, as does the eldest of the Elmsworth family, Lizzy (Aubri Ibrag), who endures a traumatic experience at the hands of a powerful man. And her younger sister, Mabel Elmsworth (Josie Totah) has her own secrets in this heteronormative society.

Following Conchita’s appointment as Lady Marable, the group are invited to England to meet the Lord’s family: the deeply judgy Brightlingseas. Debuted into society at the Queen’s Ball, the bridesmaids are introduced to a world of suitors, delightful and otherwise, including the heinous Lord James Seadown (Barney Fishwick). But while the ladies are getting settled in, it becomes apparent that Conchita’s acceptance into English culture is more difficult and sinister than she’d imagined. Instead of helping his new wife, Richard laments, “Will she work in England, will she fit in?” 

Meanwhile Nan, seen as the most “unruly” unwed young woman of the group, is sent to the seaside of Cornwall to avoid “distraction” from her sister, Jinny. Here, she meets the roguish Theo (Guy Remmers) who she believes is an artist but is actually the Duke of Tintagel, “the greatest match in England”. But there’s already another who has caught Nan’s eye, his best friend, Guy Thwarte (Matthew Broome), whose closeness to Nan has meant she’s revealed a personal secret that could ruin her.

A young woman in a blue dress stands in front of two men in suits with a horse.

Nan St. George (Kristine Frøseth), the Duke of Tintagel (Guy Remmers), and Guy Thwarte (Matthew Broome).
Credit: Apple TV+

Feeling more Sofia Coppola’s Marie Antoinette than Joe Wright’s Pride and Prejudice, The Buccaneers takes liberties to allow its broad spectrum of characters more modern behaviour in their dalliances — a subtle brush of the hand is not enough for this series.

The ladies of The Buccaneers are gloriously brash

“There are women and then there are wives.” It’s the core philosophy of most of the male characters and the older generations in The Buccaneers, but the series allows its core female characters room to scorn it — even Nan and Jinny’s mother, played to perfection by Christina Hendricks, hopes her daughters “will always be tall” and true to themselves. The series reveres the silliness, intelligence, wit, creativity, beauty, and power of women and girls within a society that puts them on a pedestal then closes them into a purely domestic life. But the series importantly doesn’t make them all staunchly open feminists. This is the 19th century, after all.

A young woman in 19th century dress lounges on a sofa.

“Girls are taught to believe that if a story isn’t a love story then it’s a tragedy and I had no interest in being involved with either one of those.”
Credit: Apple TV+

As the protagonist, Nan feels the most modern of the characters, openly rejecting what’s expected of her in a barefooted assuredness that even Elizabeth Bennet would envy. Within minutes of meeting Nan, she’s climbing down the facade of a building to rescue her best friend’s earring, then blustering through a meet-cute with undeniable self-confidence. “Girls are taught to believe that if a story isn’t a love story then it’s a tragedy and I had no interest in being involved with either one of those,” she says through voice over. But involved she becomes, with both Theo and Guy on the horizon, all while her own sense of identity is thrown into the air.

If “young ladies of refinement” are what this society requires, the American ladies rattle the more subdued, conservatism of their English counterparts — they stomp around and giggle, swig bubbly, and raise their voices above a whisper. “You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen,” Nan cackles to Conchita, currently drinking champagne on the toilet in her wedding dress. The script takes liberties with what would boot a young woman out of society — when Nan claps back at an English ball-goer for lambasting Americans as “outspoken and vulgar” she sparks the interest of the Duke instead of being kicked out. Conchita’s unchaperoned girls weekend in Runnymede sees the ladies going for a waterfall dip with her husband and his friends, which is as far away from Jane Austen’s distanced admiration as you can get. Much of the interactions between the characters happens unchaperoned with more physical contact than most 19th century novels — and it’s wildly welcome. 

The Buccaneers pits England vs America

At times, one could see the series as being distinctly anti-English, pro-American with modern sensibilities of self expression and feminism only allowed to the American characters. “Get used to an ocean of silence and swim about in it as well as you can,” Conchita warns her sisters on their arrival in England. “I haven’t drowned yet.”

A woman in elegant evening wear looks sad on the arm of a man in a suit looking concerned.

Lady Conchita Marable (Alisha Boe) and Lord Richard Marable (Josh Dylan).
Credit: Apple TV+

As her light threatens to be stamped out, Conchita becomes the embodiment of American defiance throughout the series, granted, something she’s privileged to do as a married woman in an influential family, but she’s also noticing a change in her husband since they left New York — he now expects the new Lady Marable to “be the wife” and “behave”. Hosting a girls weekend in Runnymede, Conchita pontificates about cultural differences: “Since when were we ever shy of a party? Girls, have you not noticed? We’re not them. We’re Americans. When did we ever care what people think of us? I mean, the English are so fascinated by their history. Well, we have a history of being fascinating. It’s time that they learn from us.”

Richard’s family is full of disdain for Conchita and her friends — “Before you know it there won’t be a family left in England without American poison in its veins,” scoffs Lord Brightlingsea. However, the series acknowledges that Conchita’s particular treatment is steeped in racism, not just English prejudice against Americans, and her character deeply struggles with this.

Unfortunately, one of the main issues I have with The Buccaneers is the general positioning of English women in the series as happily accepting of their restrictions, of “volunteering” to be dutiful and upholding patriarchal requirements of etiquette and behaviour. Though Conchita is allowed open laments over her frustration, Richard’s intentionally unwed sister Honoria Marable (Mia Threapleton) is not, though both women feel equally frustrated with their limitations, including Honoria’s closeted sexuality. “You’ve seen English girls. They just nod and obey and do embroidery,” says Conchita. “We’re like a whole other species.”

Two women playing croquet look at each other and smile.

Mabel Elmsworth (Josie Totah) and Honoria Marable (Mia Threapleton).
Credit: Apple TV+

It’s here the series also runs into problematic “not like other girls” territory, especially through the character of Nan, who quite literally says aloud, “I’m not one of those girls who gets in trouble and needs helping down from horses.” Jinny and Conchita also come to a head over what’s “proper” behaviour as a married woman, each throwing each other under the bus as “different”. Don’t get me wrong, I love The Buccaneers‘ representation of women and girls being exhausted and simply done with patriarchal bullshit, but it doesn’t feel great seeing it at the expense of other women like Jinny, whose responsibilities to their family see them sacrifice the freedom of expression and independent spirit Nan enjoys. 

The inescapable influence of Bridgerton

By no means the only period drama steaming up our screens in recent years but one of the most influential, Bridgerton‘s influence on contemporary 19th century romances cannot be understated — Shonda Rhimes’ series has defined the streaming era’s resurgence in pop music-fuelled balls, long courtships, and revisionist takes on the expectations of the time, particularly for women. 

Following similar modern takes like Persuasion, The Pursuit of Love, The Great, Sanditon, and more, The Buccaneers takes more than a few cues from Bridgerton, from the series’ conversations and representation of sex, but also its reliance on contemporary music, from Warpaint to Japanese Breakfast. In one particularly notable scene, Taylor Swift and Phoebe Bridgers’ duet “Nothing New” whirls as the camera pans through young women in white ready to make their debut at the Queen’s Ball. It’s straight out of Bridgerton and it’s glorious. Coppola’s Marie Antoinette rings through the halls too, from the series set design filled with peacocks, pink-dyed poodles, gilded mirrors, and cornucopias of fresh flowers, to the frank conversations the series’ female characters have about sex, marriage, and female pleasure.

Notably, the series goes where we’d love for Bridgerton to go, introducing closeted queer characters Horonia and Mabel and the lack of options for lesbians in 19th century society beyond covert relationships.

Able to run where its predecessors paved the way, The Buccaneers is a lavish period drama that feels fresh and modern, with a fast-paced, twisting narrative, grandiose set and costume design, and enough chemistry to keep you guessing between matches. It’s a little Gossip Girl, a little Marie Antoinette, and a lot of Bridgerton, and it’s gloriously impolite society.

How to watch: The Buccaneers is now streaming episodes 1 to 3 on Apple TV+, with a new episode every Wednesday.

Tech / Technology

Best dating apps and sites in November 2023

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Find love (or something more casual) this month with this selection of top dating apps, including March, eharmony, and EliteSingles.
Woman looking at laptop

This content originally appeared on Mashable for a US audience and has been adapted for the UK audience.

Dating is a competitive game, and you should do everything you can to give yourself a chance of success. Looking your best and smelling fresh is a good place to start, but nothing shortens your odds of success like signing up to a dating site.

The problem with this tactic is that there are just so many dating sites out there to consider, each with a different set of features that will suit some people better than others. It’s difficult to know which site is best for you, and you could easily spend hours researching all of the sites on offer without a definitive answer.

We know that you don’t have time for all of that, so we’ve set out to make things a little easier for you.

What are the benefits of using dating apps?

By subscribing to a dating site, you’re shortening your odds of finding a connection. It’s as simple as that.

Dating sites and apps let you get your information out there to a massive network of like-minded individuals, and provide the opportunity to test out a potential relationship on an app before actually meeting in real life.

Subscribing to dating apps and sites is also a way less intimidating way of meeting someone compared to a face-to-face situation. If you find the idea of meeting people slightly terrifying, these apps can help you face your fears from the comfort of your own home.

Is online dating worth the hassle?

Sentiments aside, we have some hard data to back our reasoning for Why Online Dating Is Worthwhile™: Statista predicted that the online dating audience will grow to 53.3 million by 2025, compared to 44.2 million users in 2020. A study from Stanford released in 2019 asserted that online dating is officially the most common way for couples to meet, rounding out at nearly 40 percent of couples having first met online.

This pre-pandemic prediction came before the COVID-era dating app sign-ups surge. Though people are eager to get back to doing as many things IRL as possible now, dating apps are still a great place to find someone, whether you want a relationship or are just looking to get nasty.

And yes, though there are algorithms that dictate what profiles pop up on your screen, we firmly believe that the stars aligning still comes into play. After all, the person who signs up on the app and is looking for love at exactly the same time you are is up to fate and the universe, proving that online dating romance is very much alive and well.

Because it’s not 2007 anymore, the need for mobile-friendly online dating isn’t just a millennial thing — people over 40 don’t have time to sit around at their home desktops, either. Dating sites that are older than most members of Gen Z (like Match and eharmony) have been forced to give serious attention to their smartphone counterparts if they don’t want to be outgrown.

However, that statistical promise still requires patience and a game plan, the game plan is choosing the dating app with features that best fit your lifestyle — and the lifestyle of the type of person you’re looking for. Are you looking for an app strictly for sex or an app more serious than Tinder but less serious than eharmony? Or maybe, you’d just really love to find an app where queer women aren’t relentlessly sexualized by creeps and pestered by unicorn hunters.

Should you use free dating apps?

The good news is that there are a lot of free dating sites and apps out there, and the likes of Tinder and Hinge are good examples of free apps with massive networks of users.

The bad news is that a lot of free apps simply don’t cut it. You get what you pay for with dating sites and apps, and for the best experience with the greatest possibility of finding exactly what you’re looking for, you are going to have to cough up the cash.

You can still find something worth your time with a free app, but if you’re looking for compatibility tests, chat rooms, videos, and a greater level of control, we recommend upgrading. Paid sites provide access to premium features that give you the best chance of finding something special.

What is the best dating site?

We’re sorry to break it to you like this, but there isn’t a single dating site that is better than the rest. Instead, there are a lot of sites and apps with similar features and packages, and the best option for you really comes down to your own set of preferences.

To make the decision process a whole lot easier for everyone, we have lined up a selection of the most popular sites in the dating game, including leading sites like EliteSingles, Match, and Eharmony. All you need to do is pick a favourite from the bunch.

These are the best dating sites in 2023.

Tech / Technology

9 best dating apps for lesbians, gay women in 2023

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TikTok not doing it for you? These apps, including HER, Tinder and many others, may open your options for lesbian and gay dating.
An illustration of two people gazing lovingly at each other

Online dating as a lesbian, for the most part, still involves having your space invaded by straight people.

The heteronormative weirdness got so alienating that lesbians turned to TikTok as a means of meeting other single lesbians (and it worked), but it’s unrealistic to expect a social media app to work like a dating app for everyone. Lesbians who have exhausted their local romantic options are still going to want to see who else is out there in time for cuffing season.

And while it’s unfortunately still all too common to match with a woman just to be hit with the classic “My boyfriend and I are looking for a threesome,” dating apps have been making strides to make sure queer women actually have a space to date other queer women.

How to find the best dating apps for lesbians

Mainstream dating apps attract the most users — including queer users. These days, Hinge, Bumble, OkCupid, and even eharmony all have clear filters about looking at people of the same gender or any gender at all, as well as filters that acknowledge the existence of non-traditional relationships. Especially if you don’t live in a densely populated area, going for a more popular app can help you actually make connections.

With that said, HER is an app by and for queer women, and it’s been growing steadily. According to their website, the app has over 13 million registered users worldwide. The app also emphasizes finding community and making friends in addition to dating, giving you plenty ways to find a connection with other queer women and nonbinary folks.

For the full low down on our recommendations, check out our list below.

A note on what didn’t make the list

A decent number of dating sites and apps specifically for lesbians do exist, but most are plagued with the same issues: Either their sole purpose is to sexualize lesbians and aren’t really meant for genuine connection at all, or their lax security protocols make it way too easy for ill-intentioned men to sign up pretending to be women. (Creeps are drawn to porn-y names like Pink Flirt.) If you’re wondering why we left most of those so-called female-only apps out, that’s why.

Tech / Technology

The best dating apps for women: Where to find a relationship, a hookup, or something in between

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The dating app where a woman will find the most success depends on what (or who) she wants. We explore when the situation calls for Bumble, an app where women initiate, eharmony, or ol’ reliable Hinge.
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Being a woman on the internet is hard. Being a woman trying to find a genuine connection on an internet where potential matches feel emboldened to be creeps in the DMs and AI profile photos pique more curiosity than real ones, apparently, is digging for a metaphorical needle in a digital pit of manure.

That said, it’s not impossible. With a bit of common sense, tough skin, and a pinch of research (which we’ve so carefully done for you), there’s no need to rule online dating out as a place to find romance, a wedding date, or an animate alternative to your sex toy collection.

So, which dating app is best for women?

We can’t tell you what to do, and we honestly don’t want to. But what we can do is provide recommendations based on the entanglement you’re interested in getting into. Don’t want men to be able to message you first? Bumble. Would rather your dating pool consist only of other queer people? HER. Simply want a less game-ified feel than Tinder — or a free ride to the airport? Hinge.

But really, we know online dating is exhausting — so we’ve done the hands-on work to ensure that each of the platforms in this list goes beyond superficial swiping and generic profiles (unless, of course, that’s what you’re looking for, which we’ll state in the product description). Here are our favorite dating apps for women in any situation:

Tech / Technology

Meet the people spending $4,000 to travel with their favorite creators

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How creator-led trips through Trova Trip work, and why YouTubers and their fans go on them.
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A YouTube vlog shows a group of twentysomething women on a food tour of Mykonos, Greece. They eat sugar-coated kourabiedes cookies, take shots of ouzo, walk the narrow streets ducking into eateries, and share laughs over a charcuterie board. But this is not your average girls trip. 

The women in the video paid to travel to Greece with their favorite YouTuber, Maddie Dragsbaek. Dragsbaek posted the video, titled “I traveled to Italy and Greece with 40 of my subscribers.” She’s one of a growing number of creators who have made traveling with their audiences into a lucrative endeavor of its own.

While you once might have enviously watched an influencer’s vlog or swiped through photos of her sponsored trip and then jealously planned your own (which would never quite compare), now you can pay for a trip together. The experience lives both on her feed and yours, and in your memories. 

For creators, it’s “a no-brainer”

Dragsbaek’s trip is one of 500 creator-led trips operated by travel company Trova Trip this year — nearly 200 more than in 2022. Founded in 2017 by Lauren Schneider, Trova Trip is a three-sided marketplace that helps connect creators with travel operators in more than 40 countries. Creators, called hosts by Trova Trip, sell trips to their audiences through the platform for an average of $2,000 to $4,000, though the prices go up to $12,000 for an Antartica trip, airfare not included.

To host a travel experience through Trova Trip, a creator first sends out a survey to their audience. They are eligible to host a trip if their community demonstrates interest — for Trova Trip, that means at least 50 responses from adults with budgets of over $2,000 for the experience. Currently, Trova Trip is the only company specializing in creator-led travel, although more traditional creator-led travel, like yoga retreats, have existed for a while, and some creators have planned one-off trips via other companies. “[Based on the survey results] our platform provides recommendations of itineraries that match their audience interests. We have a wide range of experiences, from backpacking in Patagonia to practicing yoga in Bali to eating food in Japan,” explained Schneider. 

Once the creator picks an itinerary, their request must be approved by the local operator of the trip. Then Trova Trip provides the operating cost, and the creator sets the price and sells it to their audience.

The trips range in price depending on location, with the final price set by the creator. “We trust our creators to decide their earnings based on what they believe is best for them and their community,” Lauren Schneider, the founder of Trova Trip, explained to Mashable. “On average, they’re taking about 20 percent of the total trip price.” 60 percent goes to the trip operators, and Trova Trip takes the remaining cut. 

According to Trova Trip, around 700 creators have hosted trips so far. Hosts have spanned from Love Is Blind‘s Kwame and Chelsea to Cassie and Danielle of the National Park After Dark podcast (they’re the ones going to Antarctica). Hosts have access to 150+ itineraries. And the hosts are just that; the trip operators provide tour guides and manage on-the-ground logistics.

When Trova Trip reached out to Dragsbaek to gauge her interest in hosting a trip for her 233,000 subscribers, saying yes was a no-brainer, Dragsbaek told Mashable. “It’s such a strange and unique opportunity that I had to do it,” she continued. “Not only was I getting to meet the people that support my content face to face, but I was able to meet them in a meaningful way by spending a good amount of time traveling together.”

Dragsbaek’s 7-day Greece trip cost a whopping $3,350. The price included a double room with another trip attendee, six breakfasts, two dinners, shuttle service to and from Athens airport, transport to and from Mykonos, and planned activities like a visit to the Parthenon. It did not include attendees’ air fare. 

Despite the steep price, Dragsbaek’s fans were eager to attend.

“I can’t not do this”

In 2020, during a spell of quarantine-induced boredom, Amanda Layne Miller turned to YouTube. An outfit video from Dragsbaek popped up on her homepage and she clicked. “Literally the algorithm just fed it to me,” Miller told Mashable. “I started binging literally every single one of her videos. I felt like I had a lot in common with her.”

Miller found Dragsbaek authentic, conversational, and funny. “The way that she speaks is so personal that I got to know her through her opinions and what she loves,” she explained. 

So when Miller caught wind that Dragsbaek was hosting a trip to Greece in June 2023 for up to 20 of her subscribers, Miller jumped at the opportunity. “I thought, I’ve always wanted to go to Greece. It’s with one of my favorite YouTubers. I think we’d get along, and I want to be friends with her. I can’t not do this,” she said. 

Similarly, several years ago Cari Cakes, an American creator living in Seoul, was recommended on YouTube to Katie Giordano, a 25-year-old media worker in Hong Kong. Giordano became a fan of both Cakes’s travel content and book tube. “Her whole demeanor is so relaxing. I don’t know if that’s weird, but she’s just very calm and realistic,” Giordano explained to Mashable. This past May, Giordano went on Cakes’s trip to Tokyo. “Everybody was a little bit like Cari in a certain way,” she said. “They were all really nice, accepting, and eager and open-minded. Cari attracts niceness, because that is her own aura.”

The inevitable complications when creators meet their fans

These trips seem like a recipe for an Ingrid Goes West situation — a group of people all hoping to become friends with someone they feel like they already know from watching them online for years. But for Dragsbaek, the unique relationship broke down walls between attendees and her. “It’s hard to even describe when you’re talking to someone, and [they’re] a stranger, but you immediately feel understood by them. And it’s because they already know so much about you,” she explained.

While there is the possibility for immediate connection between creator and traveler, creators, who lead and profit from the trip with their followers, could easily act as though they are above the travelers. Followers, who have watched these creators often for years, may fall into overt fan-girling.

Morgan Yates, a 28-year-old lifestyle YouTuber in Los Angeles, California, who has hosted three trips — two through Trova Trip — dealt with overzealous travelers. One made it clear she knew basically every detail of Yates’s life. Others were “clingy.” “It becomes a difficult situation because I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings by trying to get away from them, but at times I’ve felt a bit conflicted and frustrated when those people are only making an effort to spend time with me and not get to know everyone else,” she told Mashable.

There are some safety mechanisms in place to help keep overtly dangerous fans off trips. “Hosts have the ability to review or reject a traveler, they control how and who the trip is marketed to, so they could list it in the marketplace or they can only send it to vetted folks,” said Amy Dunn, communications lead at Trova Trip. 

The first trip Yates hosted was through Contiki, a tour company she’d previously been a traveler with, and due to their privacy policy, Yates wasn’t allowed to access any info on the travelers on her trip ahead of time which made her “super nervous,” despite it ending up being a “great group.”

An exercise in managing expectations

Despite going on these trips to meet their favorite creator, travelers are expected to behave as travelers might on any group trip. But this can be a challenge.

“It’s easier to develop a parasocial relationship with a YouTuber, because their art is literally just them,” said Miller. She acknowledged the potential for weird behavior and for travelers to overwhelm Dragsbaek because everyone wanted to develop a connection with her. “I was excited to get to know her as a person and actually have a relationship with her further than just audience and subject.”

You might imagine that as soon as Dragsbaek left the room, all the travelers would immediately begin discussing her and comparing her to her videos. But it wasn’t quite like that. The travelers all being huge fans of Dragsbaek was “the elephant in the room” until the middle of the week, said Miller. “Someone finally said, ‘I feel like, we all came here to like become friends with Maddie to a certain extent.”

When Giordano arrived in Tokyo and met Cakes, she felt like she was meeting a celebrity. “When I first met her, I said, ‘You look like a woodland fairy.’ She’s got the beautiful red hair. She’s literally so gorgeous,” said Giordano. “The first few days I was like, ‘Oh my gosh, she’s so cool.’ But it toned down throughout the trip.”

While Giordano was struck by Cakes’s real-life beauty — and by how slow Cakes talks, because Giordano watches YouTube at double speed — the person she met was exactly how she thought she would be. “I got a good idea of how she was as a person, because she’s very open and honest on her YouTube channel,” explained Giordano. 

Travelers’ expectations aren’t just something they have to manage. The creators are hyper-aware of whether or not they are living up to the persona in their content. Jade Fox, a 32-year-old lifestyle creator YouTuber in Los Angeles, California, worried about her ability to meet expectations ahead of the trip she hosted to Bali with her best friend and fellow creator Arrows this summer. “I’m used to the process of capturing myself exactly the way I want to. People are used to seeing a very curated, edited version of me,” Fox told Mashable. “I was nervous about disappointing folks.”

Yates faces similar anxieties on her trips. “I almost have imposter syndrome going into these trips. I know I’m not any cooler or more special than anyone else there. My fear is always that I’m not living up to what people expected me to be like,” she explained.

“It felt like summer camp”

All the hours of anecdotes Miller and Giordano watched led them to fly across the world to meet their favorite YouTubers, which can make for a lot of pressure. But creators have the capacity to create a community that reflects the content they’ve put out there, and that can lead to incredibly meaningful trips. 

“I was nervous if that [connection between creator and audience] was going to exist in real life, as it does in the comment section. When we met in person it was almost as if we had all already known each other for years,” said Fox. “I’m a Black queer woman. Arrows is a transmasculine, nonbinary queer person, and our audience is just different iterations of that.” 

The group’s shared identities provided a touch point for connection. “We are a giant pack of Black people; some of us are gender-fluid. And we’re going into a city where we don’t know how we’re going to be perceived, we don’t know what’s going to happen. A lot of us had never been out of the country before,” explained Fox. “That was another way that we were all able to protect each other, because we all know what violence looks like toward people who have experiences like ours.”

Fox described the trip as “spiritual,” “a fully immersive experience,” and “kismet.” By the end, travelers were getting tattoos to commemorate the experience and changing their flights home to spend more time with each other. The most magical moment for Fox came on their chill day by the pool when one of the travelers taught her how to swim. “It was this big Disney Channel moment. When I finished my first full lap, I lifted my head out of the water and everyone was just screaming and going crazy,” reminisced Fox. 

Miller also felt moved by the end of Dragsbaek’s trip. “The last night is when we’re all like, ‘We know each other really well’ and wishing it was the first day. It felt like summer camp,” said Miller. “I was like, ‘Whoa, like, I’m an adult. And I have not been in this type of environment since high school.'”

For some, it’s just another hustle

For creators with a smaller audience who might not be sought after for brand sponsorships, a Trova Trip venture can provide more money than a brand sponsorship. So, while Fox and Dragsbaek created meaningful connections with their audiences, there’s the potential from others to treat the travel game like a full-time hustle.

Lindsay Mukkadam, a 37-year-old based in Austin, Texas, who posts under the moniker “One Girl Wandering,” pivoted from being a solo travel creator to making her business about encouraging her audience to get out and travel by coming on one of her trips. Her Instagram bio labels her as “Your solo travel bff! Stop waiting for others and finally book the trip of your dreams,” and in this year alone, she’s hosted trips to Costa Rica, Iceland, Scotland, two to Japan, and two to the Amalfi Coast. By the end of the year she’ll host two trips to Egypt, and two to Christmas markets in Germany and Austria. A slew of her 2024 trips are already being promoted. 

Others, like Danah Clipa, @danahbananaa on TikTok, refuse to, as they see it, take advantage of their followers by making them pay to join them on travel adventures. In a since-deleted video, Clipa explained that she canceled her Trova Trip because it would be free for her at the expense of her followers. “If I’m inviting someone to travel out of the country with me,” said Clipa, “I want them to feel on the same level as me, because we are — we are the exact fucking same.”