Tech / Technology

TikTokkers say their friends aren’t texting back. Why?

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Friendship experts explain why friends may not text back and what to do about it.
back of person surrounded by text bubbles

“Does anybody else have a friend who texts you like they’re famous i.e. they don’t?” asked TikTokker Bel (@khaibellamy) in a video with over 3 million likes and 12 million views.

In the video, Bel goes on to describe how this friend doesn’t reply despite sending them multiple texts and calls — including a joke voicemail about American Idol Season 7 runner-up David Archuleta holding her family hostage. No response.

Bel isn’t alone; the comments on the video are from people on both ends of this, and there are many videos like this on the platform that discuss a lack of communication between friends. Though Bel didn’t respond to Mashable’s request for comment, we spoke to friendship experts about why this happens, and what to do about it.

Why isn’t my friend texting me back?

There are many reasons why someone isn’t communicating, despite what it looks like. “It’s important to acknowledge that what’s tricky is that the symptoms of a friend who doesn’t care and the symptoms of a friend who is not equipped can sometimes look the same,” Bumble for Friends friendship expert Danielle Bayard Jackson told Mashable. 

“Not responding is something a person might do if they’re not interested,” she said, “but it’s also something a person might do if they’re overwhelmed, if texting isn’t their thing, if they get anxiety from texting, if they feel frazzled knowing exactly the right thing to say on the spot and respond in a timely manner.”

“Some people find it harder than others to have a balance when they feel overwhelmed with work situations or personal issues, they can easily become disconnected from their phone,” agreed clinical and educational psychologist at E-HEALTH Project, Aura De Los Santos.


Not responding is something a person might do if they’re not interested but it’s also something a person might do if they’re overwhelmed.

– Danielle Bayard Jackson, Bumble for Friends

Other reasons Jackson cited are that their notifications can be too much; if the friend has social anxiety about saying the right thing; and the potential mental toll of the messages. For example, if you’re sending a string of TikToks, your friend might see it as homework to watch them when they’re busy with something else.

Another example, which you might have used yourself, is asking if they’re free to hang out this weekend. Though it’s a seemingly casual question, the response may not be easy for everyone; for Jackson, she’d have to check her young children’s schedules and coordinate with her husband, which takes time.

“Just because the format of a text is simple, it doesn’t mean the mental labor expected on the receiver’s end is simple,” she said. 

It’s also possible that they have trouble responding in a timely manner due to ADHD or another condition; there are many variables within every friendship.

Though convenient, smartphones have engendered a culture where everyone is expected to be available all the time. But contrary to these expectations, friends may not be in a place (physically or emotionally) to instantly respond, said Los Angeles-based psychotherapist Layne BakerSome friends may just not like texting, Baker continued, and that’s OK. They may have different communication preferences, like enjoying chatting over the phone or FaceTime, or meeting up in-person instead. (As for group chats? That’s a whole different ballgame, and one people might feel other forms of guilt or fatigue from.)

There’s another possibility that could be harder to face, however. It could be true that a friend has stopped texting because their interest is waning or that the relationship is fading. Not responding to messages can be a way to end a friendship without telling the other person, said De Los Santos. 

“Sometimes we think that friendships are forever, when this is not the case,” she continued. “One of the parties wants to distance themselves, where they no longer want to have ties with that person, so they don’t take the time to respond and ignore the messages.”

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What should I do if my friend isn’t texting me?

Friendships need to be worked on just like any other relationship, said De Los Santos. Jackson recommends communicating with your friend (try another approach like a different platform, calling, or possibly in person if they’re not responding to texts) and asking what’s best for them. They may not be direct in telling you what’s bothering them; maybe texting overwhelms them, and they just want to see you in person.

Look at your own attachment style as well, Jackson said. Attachment styles don’t just impact romantic relationships! If you’re more anxious leaning, for example, you may text more frequently. Ask yourself what meaning you assign when someone doesn’t text you back, and where that meaning may come from.

“Some of it is on us and our interpretation on the person not getting back,” Jackson continued. “Understanding attachment style helps us manage expectations and recalibrate emotionally.”

Both Jackson and Baker recommend zooming out (figuratively) and “taking a mountain view” of your friendship. Texting is likely just one element of it. Ask yourself:

  • Does your friendship feel healthy otherwise?

  • Does this friend support you?

  • Do you trust them?

  • Is there other tangible evidence that your friend loves you and is invested?

“If the answer is yes, try taking a closer look at why not receiving texts (or texts back) is causing you discomfort,” said Baker. Don’t conflate a lack of response with the notion that they don’t care about you, Jackson added. If you’re really struggling, you could try journaling or seek out a therapist if possible.

In some cases, however, this could be a sign that the friendship has run its course. 

“Relationships [need] work, and if you are the only person who writes and tries to get closer, but that friend never makes the effort, you can stop writing and understand that the friendship fulfilled its purpose,” said De Los Santos. 

If the friendship isn’t serving you — as in your friend isn’t supportive or doesn’t respect your boundaries, it may be time to end the friendship (we’ve written a guide for you if it comes to that). A friendship breakup can be just as devastating (if not more) than a romantic one; here’s how to cope with a friendship ending, if it comes to that.

It’s understandable to want a text back. These days, that may be the primary way of communicating with your friend. But know there are a multitude of explanations why — and this may be better talked out IRL.

Tech / Technology

Best charger deal: 3-in-1 Apple charger 2-pack for $25

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Get a pair of Apple chargers that charge your iPhone, AirPods, and Apple Watch for $25.
3-in-1 charger on desk

TL;DR: As of October 29, get this 3-in-1 Apple Watch, AirPods & iPhone Charging Cable 2-pack for only $24.99 — that’s 64% off.


Staying connected is super important these days, and that isn’t possible without charged devices. Sometimes, keeping up with the battery status of your electronics can be a hassle. If you’re a proud owner of Apple devices, you likely rely on them often and understand the importance of keeping them charged and ready to go.

Many experts say that desk clutter can affect our mental health and productivity. This 3-in-1 charging cable can help you cut the cable clutter and maintain healthy charges across your iPhone, AirPods, and Apple Watch. And a two-pack of the cables is just $24.99 (reg. $69).

The Apple Watch charger claims to give you a fast charge (under 2.5 hours), so your go-to electronic assistant can be ready to take on the day with you in a flash. The other connectors can charge two Lightning devices, such as AirPods, iPads, or iPhones.

Because these charging cables are lightweight and compact, throwing one in your bag for your commute or when you travel is easy. And since you get two, you could keep one at home and one at work.

Certified by CE/ROSH, these cables offer peace of mind because they come outfitted with overcurrent, over-heat, and short-circuit protection to keep your devices safe.

Simplify your charging experience and elevate your connectivity with this two-pack of 3-in-1 Apple Watch, AirPods, and iPhone charging cables. You can even use one or both as a practical stocking stuffer for the Apple lover in your life.

Grab this two-pack of 3-in-1 Apple Watch, AirPods, and iPhone charging cables for just $24.99 (reg. $69) ahead of the holiday rush.

Prices subject to change.

Tech / Technology

Sex and reproduction studies in space offer confusing results

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Few sex and reproduction studies have happened in space. One thing is clear: the lack of gravity and a protective atmosphere can be dangerous.
Space cockroach offspring displaying mutations

Nadezhda used to scuttle around the drab halls of a bureaucratic building in southwestern Russia before she was recruited for an unprecedented experiment in space.

Suddenly, her life of anonymity — just trying to avoid hunger and the thick rubber tread of a boot — was elevated for a higher purpose. She would become a mother, and she would show the world what happens when multiples are conceived in outer space.

When she returned, everyone at the Institute of Biomedical Problems in Voronezh, Russia, waited and watched Nadezhda, whose name means “hope,” like the lower-than-lab-rat that she was.

Then, the day arrived: 33 cockroach babies were born, presenting unusual mutations. They were larger, ran faster, and even looked different from their brethren bugs on Earth. While the upper shells of the newborn critters are normally clear, Nadezhda’s brood was already sporting a dark reddish-brown coat.

“It’s like a space horror film in the making, when you think about it,” Alex Layendecker, founder of the Astrosexological Research Institute, told Mashable. “Two random cockroaches disappear into this spacecraft, and they just keep reproducing, and it compounds.”

Red pregnant cockroach carrying an egg

A Russian space experiment studied cockroach reproduction.
Credit: Yuliia Hurzhos / Getty Images

But what Layendecker is talking about is not science fiction. The experiment sent up on Roscosmos’ Foton-M bio-satellite in 2007 is one of the few sex and reproduction studies conducted in space. The results are disturbing, and not just because the study involved one of the most despised pests on the planet. It’s a harbinger for the austere challenges space presents for sustaining Earth-based life. Without gravity and Earth’s atmosphere, a security blanket blocking the planet’s inhabitants from high doses of cosmic radiation, baby-making is quite onerous.

On the International Space Station, flying about 250 miles above Earth, astronauts are exposed to radiation levels 100 times higher than on the ground. Yet the space station is still within Earth’s magnetic field, which offers some protection from toxic cosmic rays. Imagine then how venturing out into deep space — like on a trip to Mars or a long stay at the moon — might accelerate damage to human cells.

“To do humans, an actual study with human cells and human embryos, obviously, there are all kinds of checks and balances. Most of the work is done with proxies,” said David Cullen, professor of astrobiology and space biotechnology at Cranfield University in the United Kingdom. “By looking at mice (for example), you’re looking at humans indirectly.”

So far no mammals — or any animal with a backbone, for that matter — has completed its life cycle from conception to adulthood in space. There are only sparse, preliminary results on how space affects some of the critical phases of reproduction and early growth, such as fertilization, embryo development, pregnancy, birth, postnatal maturation, and parental care.


“It’s like a space horror film in the making.”

But there’s another problem: The data that do exist usually involve such small sample sizes that it’s difficult to extrapolate what the results would even mean for humans or any other species. Nearly all of the research has been on non-primate animals, with the exception of a human sperm study.

Scientists studying medaka fish mating and fertilization in a vertebrate in space

Medaka fish provided the first evidence of mating, fertilization, and hatching of a vertebrate animal’s eggs in space in 1994.
Credit: Koichi Yoshii via Getty Images

Medaka fish mating experiments in space

The first evidence of mating, fertilization, and hatching of a vertebrate animal’s eggs in space occurred in 1994 during a 15-day mission aboard NASA space shuttle Columbia.

“Who has had sex in space?” Dr. Shawna Pandya, director of medical research for Above Space Development, asked rhetorically while speaking on a South by Southwest panel in March. “It has been caught on tape, it has happened, and it was four Japanese Medaka fish, for those of you who are into that. Statistically speaking, at least one of you is.”

Medaka, also known as Japanese rice fish, usually live in small ponds, shallow rivers, and rice paddies. They were selected for a space experiment because the breed seems to be more tolerant of weightlessness, unbothered by the lack of a constant “up” or “down” in microgravity.

The experiment resulted in four fish laying 43 eggs. Of them, eight babies hatched in space, and another 30 were born after landing. The offspring seemed normal — with the expected numbers of germ cells found in the ovaries of the newly hatched — and some were able to have their own offspring upon their return to the planet as well.

tadpoles flying in space

Looping behaviors were noted in frog larvae on the space shuttle Endeavour in 1992, with tadpoles swimming in circles, somersaulting, and darting around in haphazard directions.
Credit: NASA

But other fish studies conducted in spaceflight have led to offspring with bizarre mutations. Some young-adult fish have swum in tight circles or in sideways loops. Though U.S. researchers found no significant changes in systems that control balance and orientation among fish studied in spaceflight, Soviet scientists found marked differences in how they formed.

“There have been wasp studies, mice studies, rodent studies, jellyfish, quail eggs. Any species you name, they’ve been studied on Shuttle, Mir, Skylab, [the International Space Station],” Pandya said. “And the data, at best, is conflicting.”

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Frog and tadpole growth and development in space

The same looping behaviors were noted in frog larvae on the space shuttle Endeavour in 1992, with tadpoles swimming in circles, somersaulting, and darting around in haphazard directions. The tadpoles also struggled to find the air bubbles in the tanks to fill their lungs.

Frogs flying in the Frog Embryology Experiment aboard Spacelab-J

While the experiment was largely deemed a reproduction success story in the mass media, tadpoles raised in microgravity were documented as having enlarged heads and eyes in scientific journals.
Credit: Tom Trower / NASA Ames Research Center

In an amphibian study two years later, four female African clawed frogs were injected with a hormone that triggers ovulation after reaching low-Earth orbit. NASA astronauts slathered sperm from male frogs onto the eggs, causing many to fertilize.

While the experiment was largely deemed a reproduction success story in the mass media, tadpoles raised in microgravity were documented as having enlarged heads and eyes in scientific journals. Some researchers who studied them in simulated weightlessness also observed these issues and suggested the super-sized heads may have been due to defects in the neural tube, which forms the early brain and spine. Across the board, it appears as though tadpole growth gets stunted, not just in space but also after they return to the gravity of Earth.

Why study fish and amphibians in space when the animal kingdom is full of species that more closely resemble humans? Mammals would be ideal, but experts say keeping them alive during long flights is complicated and expensive. Their embryos are also difficult to study in microgravity because they develop within a uterus. That makes it tricky for researchers to separate the influence of the mother’s body from the direct effects of weightlessness on the fetus.

Astronaut conducting newt experiment

Newts are considered a good model for space experiments because the female can retain live sperm for up to five months.
Credit: NASA Marshall Space Flight Center

In some cases, animals are picked based on logistics. For example, newts are considered a good model for space experiments because the females can retain live sperm after mating for up to five months. That large window of time allows scientists to inseminate them on Earth, but then have them go through fertilization, with the help of an injected hormone, later in space.


“To do humans, an actual study with human cells and human embryos, obviously, there are all kinds of checks and balances. Most of the work is done with proxies.”

‘Sex geckos’ experiments in space

Reptiles are some of the least studied creatures in space, though thick-toed geckos have taken trips aboard Russia’s uncrewed Foton-M3 in 2007 and Bion-M1 in 2013. They were chosen because their sticky feet help them attach to surfaces in weightlessness. When the geckos returned, scientists found bits of partially eaten unfertilized eggs in their habitats.

It remains a mystery whether lizard reproduction can occur in space. In 2014, a 60-day spaceflight on the Russian Foton-M4, which caught the attention of John Oliver on HBO’s Last Week Tonight, was cut short due to problems with the mission, including a temporary loss of communication with the satellite. All five of the ornate day geckos aboard the uncrewed spacecraft, or “sex geckos” as Oliver called them, died before landing, likely because of freezing, according to later reports.

Quail eggs might also seem like a bonkers choice of animal for reproduction and development experiments in space, but studies date back to 1979 when the Soviet Union sent them aboard Cosmos-1129. Reports from TASS, the state-run news agency, said the Soviet space program was trying to figure out if quail could be a food source for cosmonauts. Apparently most of the eggs broke during the landing.

But they kept trying over the years. Though some chicks could make it through incubation, the hatch rates tended to be low, and many of the embryos showed defects in their eyes, brains, and beaks. Birds raised on the Mir space station also never pecked right, a possible sign of a balance problem. A long list of defects were noted over multiple experiments, including muscular dystrophy and underdeveloped thyroid glands.

Researcher using centrifuge on quail eggs

Space studies involving quail eggs date back to 1979.
Credit: Dominic Hart / NASA

Rodent reproduction experiments in space

Most of the previous mammal studies have involved rats. Despite NASA’s aversion to discussing and studying sex, the space agency and National Institutes of Health collaborated on space shuttle missions to study fetal development and postnatal health of rodents in space.

In two flights, 10 pregnant rats were launched midway through gestation and landed just a couple of days before the end of the full term. Rat pups born after the flights had delays in brain development and major sensory and motor systems, including in their eyes, ears, noses, and balance centers.

In a third rodent study, two litters each of five-day-old, eight-day-old, and 14-day-old pups flew in space. Though the oldest group fared better healthwise, only 10 percent of the five-day-olds survived. Among the eight-day-olds, 90 percent lived but had about 25 percent less body weight than normal. The 14-day-olds lived and were comparable to the same-age rat pups in the control group on Earth. This may mean that the space environment has an outsized negative impact on earlier stages of development.

But experts like Layendecker reiterate that not a single mammal has ever been born in space, so it’s anyone’s guess how fertilization and the forming of a placenta would occur away from our home planet.

“There’s not enough data from those experiments to really give us a substantive understanding of the whole problem,” he said.

Tech / Technology

Best app deal: AI Plant Identifier sub for just $15

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A lifetime Plantum AI Plant Identifier Premium Plan subscription is on sale for $14.97. That’s 75% off the subscription’s regular price of $59.99.
Woman holding up a phone to some plants, in order to take a picture of them and identify them by name

TL;DR: As of October 28, you can get a lifetime Plantum AI Plant Identifier Premium Plan subscription for only $14.97 instead of $59.99 — that’s a savings of 75%.


If you’re often out in nature hiking, walking, camping, or gardening, at some point you may have wondered what type of plant you were looking at. The Plantum app for iOS devices can help you answer that question quickly. And a lifetime subscription to this app is just $14.97 (reg. $59) through October 31. 

Plantum includes more than 15,000 plant profiles for you to learn about. Using the power of AI, you simply point your camera at the plant in question, and within three seconds, you have an answer. The app will also help you diagnose a plant’s condition and offer some care advice to restore it to a healthy state.

And since it’s been devised with the help of expert botanists, you can get solid advice on important things like soil selection, how much or when to water, fertilizing, and temperature conditions to help you keep your house or garden plants thriving. Plantum also allows you to set care reminders.

If you’re unsure where to put a new plant, the app includes a light meter to measure the sunlight levels in your spaces so you get the most suitable spot.

Plantum is only available on iOS devices running iOS 13 or higher. This deal is only available to new users. Users will have access to the app on all iOS devices under the same Apple ID. 

Being out in nature has positive links to mental health, cognition, and happiness. Whether you’re exploring the wilderness, cultivating your garden, or simply deepening your knowledge of the natural world, this app can be your trusted companion when you’re out getting your daily dose of nature.

Get a lifetime Plantum AI Plant Identifier Premium Plan subscription for just $14.97 (reg. $59) until October 31 at 11:59 p.m. PT.

Prices subject to change.