There’s nothing wrong with spending a bit of cash on fancy vibrators and complex sex-tech to boost our sex lives, but there’s one object that can really up the ante in the bedroom and there’s probably one already in your house, involving no money and little effort.
By now, you might have seen Bridgerton Season 3, Part 2… and (spoiler alert) a certain steamy scene which begins in front of a mirror in Episode 5.
Did you know you can use a mirror, or a few, to create new sexual experiences and make sex better? You might have seen the term “mirror sex” popping up while browsing your fave porn websites. But how do you do it IRL in your own home?
We spoke to two sex experts, and people who use mirrors in their own sex lives, to break down what mirror sex is, how it’s done, and what it can do for your sex life and even your brain.
What is mirror sex and why is it so appealing?
Mirror sex, put simply, is using mirrors in some way while having sex. Usually, it involves positioning a mirror (or positioning yourself around a fixed mirror) so that you can watch yourself and/or your partner in the mirror while you get down.
Megwyn White, clinical sexologist and director of education at sex toy company Satisfyer, says mirror sex can boost both arousal and confidence because you are seeing both you and your partner’s bodies in new angles performing intimate movements and experiencing pleasure.
“When you see you and your partners’ bodies, it heightens an attention to the details of touch, the parts of you or your partner’s body you admire, as well as the phenomenon of what’s called the erogenous mirror which is essentially our tendency to touch our partners in relation to where we like to be touched,” White explains.
Emerson Karsh, who has a degree in human sexuality and is known professionally as The Kink Educator, says mirror sex is also a great opportunity to explore exhibitionism.
“Mirror sex can allow us to watch ourselves have sex and spark our inner exhibitionist. Watching ourselves have sex in the mirror also includes more visual stimulation which can make it so hot. Mirror sex allows us to be exhibitionist and to get lots of fun visual stimulation making it super hot,” she tells Mashable.
Part of the appeal with mirror sex is that it really is for anyone and everyone. Most people have a mirror in their house somewhere so it’s easy to get started, and it even works for those having sex solo. In fact, solo sex in the mirror can do great things for people’s confidence.
How mirror sex can help with confidence
Masturbating with a mirror has myriad benefits. It’s a really great tool to figure out what parts of your body you enjoy being touched, learning how you receive pleasure and increasing your knowledge of what works for you sexually. This, in turn, helps you feel more confident communicating your needs in the bedroom.
Mirror sex can can also help with body confidence. For some people, the mirror can be daunting while fully-clothed, but mirror sex can actually ease those discomforts for some people.
Karsh explains that mirror sex, and mirror masturbation in particular, lets us get to know our body and what it can do in all of its glory. “Mirror masturbation can almost reflect exposure therapy and the more we are exposed to our bodies in the mirror, the more comfortable we can get with our bodies,” she says.
White says that, in general, looking at yourself in the mirror naked alone is a great exercise to boost body confidence and can also help you understand your bodies’ rhythms and preferences when it comes to being touched.
Mashable After Dark
“Being comfortable with yourself and being kind to your body is an important first step in overcoming difficulties with body confidence.”
“Being comfortable with yourself and being kind to your body is an important first step in overcoming difficulties with body confidence. The more you feel comfortable looking at yourself naked in a mirror, the more accepting you are of yourself, and your body as it is,” she says. Research by Goldsmiths University confirms this, saying that nude activities as simple as looking at yourself naked, sleeping naked and seeing others naked can increase self esteem.
Mirror sex is a great way to not only boost your confidence, but also your partners. “By watching yourself pleasure a partner and/or being pleasured, it helps boost your confidence seeing you and your partner get turned on and feel sexy,” White adds. It may also inspire you to try new positions you have never done before, because you can see how your bodies react to the newfound pleasure. Not only does mirror sex unleash your inner exhibitionist, but helps you to focus on one another too.
How to build your mirror sex confidence
Some people can feel a bit odd about having sex in the mirror, and it’s okay if it’s not for you. But if you find mirror sex intimidating and want that to not be the case, there are steps you can take to get there.
First of all, sex does not have to occur fully naked. Karsh notes that trying something new can be done in a marathon instead of a sprint. “If you’re uncomfortable in your body or nervous about your body in the mirror, I would recommend wearing lingerie that makes you feel sexy,” she says.
“Another option is only having mirror sex in one position or for a few minutes then [changing positions to move out of your reflection]. Mirror does not have to be the entire sexual encounter,” Karsh adds.
It can also help to get comfy in the mirror alone before jumping into mirror sex. White suggests standing alone naked in front of a mirror and saying positive affirmations to yourself such as, “I am beautiful, I am strong, I am confident,” etc., to help yourself become more loving towards your body.
It can also help to get comfy in the mirror alone before jumping into mirror sex.
Additionally, try changing your mindset around what you see in the mirror, as what you see as a flaw could be what your partner is enjoying so much. If it’s something you think would help and it’s comfortable, you could ask your partner to describe what they’re seeing and what they’re enjoying during mirror sex. This could even lead into praise kink play, if desired.
How to experiment with mirror sex
Having good mirror sex, like any sex, is about experimenting and communicating clearly with your partner to find what you are comfortable with and enjoy the most.
Set the ambience
White notes that setting the ambiance for a good experience is one of the most important factors of mirror sex, as the vibe can add to the experience as a whole. “In general, areas of sharp contrast between light and dark are unpleasant to the eyes and can distract you from feeling present in the sensuality of the experience, so be sure to turn off harsh lighting sources,” she explains.
She suggests diffusing outside light with soft curtains or blinds and incorporating items like candles, as they create a soft glow and flickering effect which help draw your eye to the glow of the skin when looking in the mirror. It may take a few goes trying different ambience styles to figure out what you, or you and your partner, enjoy. That’s all part of the fun though!
Try different positions
Karsh says that, during mirror sex, we’re able to see ourselves and our partners in positions we otherwise wouldn’t be able to, so it’s fun to switch them up. “In doggy-style position, for example, the person receiving tends to look at the ground, pillow, etc and is unable to see the partner behind them, their face, or the sexual act, but mirror sex allows us to see the action, our faces, and our partners’ faces in positions we otherwise wouldn’t be able to,” she says.
You can try the missionary position at the side of a mirror (if you have a wardrobe next to your bed with mirrors, this one is easy) if you’re after a quick glance in the mirror when it suits you. Having sex in the spooning position with the receiver facing the mirror can be great if they’d like to be the star of the show and watch themselves.
As for those having sex solo, a handheld mirror while masturbating, sitting up, legs spread, is an amazing way to discover your body and be able to see your body and face in the same reflection, sitting on the floor in front of a mirror and masturbating is ideal for the fully-fledged exhibitionists.
As always with sex, it’s about experimenting to find what makes you tick.
Switch up the location of the mirror
Try using one against the headboard, along the side of your bed or standing up to try different positions. Even use a handheld mirror to see penetration in a position you wouldn’t normally get to see.
Almost every bathroom has a mirror, so you can try having shower sex without the curtain and watch yourself in the mirror that way.
Involve sex toys
Like with most sex acts, sex toys can liven up the party with mirror sex. Use them just as you usually would (there’s a guide here for beginners) put yourself, or you and your partner, towards your mirror of choice to watch your toy get to work.
Similar to incorporating sex toys into our sex lives, adding a mirror is another asset that can spice up your pleasure experience. Choose your mirror, grab a toy and have fun with it.
This article was first published in 2023 and republished in 2024.