He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice – but he can’t find the right car and he needs some advice.
We’ve met with the elves to put the reindeer out to grass and create the perfect car for Santa, using the best bits of the finest models on sale.
Here’s what we’d pick:
Boot: Dacia Jogger
With around two billion kids to visit and the average games console box taking up nearly 40 litres of load space alone, Santa would be looking at a fleet of container ships to get everything delivered.
What he needs, then, is a cleverly packaged, ultracapacious load bay that can still be threaded up single-track driveways and into apartment block car parks.
With its middle and rear seats out of the way, the tightly formed Dacia Jogger touts an impressive 1807 litres of boot capacity, which might be enough for an average British village’s gift allocation… just.
Aero: Porsche 911 GT3 RS
What goes up must come down – and fast.
So when he’s ready to come back to earth with a bump at the next stop, Santa activates Land Assist Mode, whereupon the whopping rear wing, diffuser, splitters and aero from the track-honed Porsche 911 GT3 RS pop out of the sleigh’s bodywork to give a combined 860kg of downforce – which allows for megasteep final approach angles in built-up areas.
Then, when the stockings are stuffed, a hydraulically assisted drag reduction vane helps get the rig back up to take-off speed again.
Chassis: Range Rover
Who could deprive little Timmy of his new BMX just because he lives at the top of Scafell Pike?
It’s time to swap those wooden runners for a slightly more capable set-up, so what better than the unstoppable four-wheel drive system from the latest Range Rover?
With ultra-soft air suspension and all-wheel steering, it can wade through 900mm of water, climb 45deg inclines and has a foot and a half of ground clearance.
It uses navigation data to prepare the suspension for imperfections up to 1.9 miles away, so there’s no chance of crumpling those colouring books.
Battery: Lucid Air Dream
A University of Leicester study (seriously) worked out that Santa must travel at half the speed of light if he is to complete an estimated 240 million deliveries in a night, so downtime must be kept at a minimum.
He’ll be needing the 118kWh battery from the top-spec Lucid Air Dream Edition, touting the biggest range of any production EV and capable of charging up to 350kW, so he can add a few miles every time he shuffles down a chimney and gobbles a mince pie.